November 2011
2 posts
1 tag
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Divisions are a part of life, they help us categorize and make snap decisions, I’ve even heard it argued that divides, some are given names like “racism”, are evolutionarily adaptive. So I understand the need and the prevalence of divides - at times - divisions both weaken and strengthen a structure. It’s just that I didn’t see this one coming.
I didn’t realize...
2 tags
It's all in the ending
A lifetime ago we read a story in english class about a guy who screwed up everything in his life but managed to die at the right time and so was forever remembered as an artistic visionary. And there was a corollary in that story, something about about others who had pulled off life brilliantly but fluffed up their death and so went unremembered.
It’s scarily right in a way, you could have...
October 2011
1 post
Story Time
A while back I was at an elementary school, tutoring a second grader and at one point in time, the girl I was tutoring showed distaste when I pointed out the color green. I asked her, “You don’t like green?,” to which she confirmed her dislike for green, and then I told her my favorite color was green. Immediately an “oops” look crossed her face and she quickly...
August 2011
1 post
2 tags
The Moment: Transferring ||||||||--
Sitting cross-legged on my bed, music - sorted by the heart - on my left leg, a pile of plastic windows on my right, chaos with a purpose in front of me. I can barely see my bed, transferring my life over, as I’ve been doing for the past who knows how long. Listening to the best kind of music from my new tablet - for my new life - and sitting there, thinking. Thinking about Stubernic, what...
June 2011
2 posts
1 tag
Permeability
There’s too much sadness in this house, Too much tension, too little power, Too much hate, not enough love. Countin’ down the days… It only takes, how long? An hour, for the weakest to break and shed tears. There’s no peace, no calm, no place to run, Except, of course, into the mind. Accumulated memories, ancient and fresh alike, Biting words, judgement, selfishness. It...
1 tag
The happiest person on Earth
If you ever want to get anyone’s attention, just pull out a notebook and start writing. On our first flight today, after I did just that, the guy next to me started giving me curious looks, then made an offhand comment about his current tiredness, and, after I put away my notebook, asked, “Are you a writer?”
Curiously enough my knee-jerk reaction answer to that was...
April 2011
5 posts
1 tag
from there I let my thoughts flow
[Photo/Comment link]
I was hoping to catch the moon, On my flight back to home. But it was on the other side of the plane.
I was hoping to see the world, As it changed and yet never did. But the clouds swam up and obscured the view.
Somewhere along in time they slipped away Little things, big things, important things. That I’ll never know were so
And the days flew by And the years grew...
The power of perception
world-shaker:
“In 1998, Carol Dweck and a colleague took four hundred fifth-graders and gave them a series of simple puzzles. Afterward, each of the students was given his or her score, plus something else: six words of praise. Half the students were praised for intelligence: “You must be smart at this!” The other half were praised for effort: “You must have worked really hard!”
After the first...
1 tag
Things we miss [ramble]
It’s funny, during the fall when I had absolutely no time, I still somehow made time out of nowhere to write my thoughts down. Now, when I have all the time in the world, and it’s not like I have less things to write about, silence.
There are things in life that are such constants, such… normalities, such an integral part of your life that when it stops being such a large part...
2 tags
Magic
One of those things that has never lost its magic for me is flying. As in, airplane flying, because I still haven’t been able to pull the other kind off. It doesn’t matter that I’ve probably been in airplane flight at least 50 times in my life or that each one follows the same routine: safety instructions, taxi, lift-off, apple juice, descent.
Each time I still feel the joy of...
To my teachers
I’ve learned everything I know from teachers of all sorts. As teachers you have all held my course of my life under your influence at some point in time and changed me into what I’ve become today.
9 years ago, at the end of 3rd grade, Mrs. McBride took me aside and told me that when I finish high school, I should find a phone book, look up Doug McBride and give her a call, and that...
March 2011
2 posts
1 tag
Why I like vacations
I get perspective. First, from the airplane flight and watching the people, the businesses, the cars and all the rest of our lives become less than a dot on the face of the earth, only a part of the collective mass of “human”. All the drama, the problems, the life-changing events melting into insignificance in the “big picture”.
And then back on the planet again, in a new...
1 tag
A history
This is another… personal-type post, I’ll make my way back to less self-turbulent posts eventually, I promise :)
One day, in 3rd grade, right before lunch, our class was so terrible that our teacher started yelling at us. I proceeded to cry right through lunch while my classmates tried to comfort me, telling me it was most certainly not my fault, assuring me I was probably the person...
February 2011
7 posts
The words of a professional essay writer →
Someone who writes essays for people for a living, writes an essay for himself for once.
2 tags
People
I tend to use the word “people” on this blog to preface a broad generalization about the actions of humans… mostly negative. But today… today I want to talk about people from the view of someone trying to undemonize these… people. Today’s quest is seeking understanding.
When I look at people I perceive them differently from what others perceive. I pick and...
1 tag
When you have something to say...
But something stops you from saying it. Why? What stops you?
It’s too easy for me to move my house 6 inches to the right and send whatever post I’ve just typed up somewhere where you’ll probably never see it. Just because, what? It’s not something you tell the world? It’s not something I would tell the world? It’s not something I think the world wants to hear?...
1 tag
Driving
I don’t take comfort in a lot of things. I don’t take comfort FROM a lot of things. I don’t GET comfort from a lot of people. Something about me being Leevi, and my life… being what it is. But today, as in a lot of days, I realized something.
I find driving relaxing. Something about traveling great distances or maybe having to always keep “not ending my life”...
It's a love story [The Giving Tree]
I was in Barnes and Nobles yesterday just… wandering around when a certain green-covered book caught my eye. It was, of all books, “The Giving Tree”. I remembered reading it in my… erm, youth, and I also recalled a debate on whether The Giving Tree is a tragic story, not fit for children or one that’s perfectly fine and should be just left alone.
So I picked it up...
2 tags
Everybody sees something different when they look
When I look at people, what I see is… different from what others see. I get caught off guard whenever people start expounding on things like… what a given person was wearing. Because, as people who spend a lot of time around me can avow, I generally… don’t “see” what people are wearing. Of course I SEE their clothes and all that normal stuff but it doesn’t...
1 tag
A question I honestly don't have an answer for
I’ve done such a wide array of neat things. I can claim so many distinctions. I have my own unique aura.
I’m Leeviana Gray.
To quote myself, “You’re everything your younger self hoped to be. How does it feel?”
Yet even I, or especially I, feel very often that I’m falling short of my potential. By a lot. And I see no reason for it, Leevi-logically.
It...
January 2011
5 posts
2 tags
Every day the same dream →
Have you ever been so tired, every action slows down to a crawl, everything gets darker, your eyelids are heavy and it takes extreme force of will to convince yourself to do ANYTHING. And I mean anything?
…yeah that how tired I am now so in lieu of a long thoughtful post I’ll share another one of those introspective games I stumbled upon quite some time ago for your contemplation,...
2 tags
How do you listen to your music?
Because it affects how you enjoy it. Think about this, when you have music playing in your ears, your mp3-music-ipod-ZUNE-whatever set on shuffle or playing through an album, that’s one kind of joy. And maybe it’ll shuffle to your “jam” and maybe this is an album you shed tears of joy about every time you think of it, and yet, well, that’s one kind of joy.
But now...
2 tags
HEB
Today, while at HEB, I was in a really bad mood. Dark, broody, sulky, all that fun stuff. Bleh. The interesting part is what drew me out of that mood and strangely enough, today it was humanity.
First, it was this little boy, wide eyes, black hair… french-looking somehow. And there was something about him, something inspiring and captivating about him that made me look twice. I don’t...
1 tag
Terrifying
There’s a topic that recurs relatively frequently on here. Hopefully this post, about a recent “two and two” moment will be the last for quite a while.
But first, there’s a lot of background to cover, which if you think about it makes a lot of sense. To solve any conundrum, most times you simply have to answer the question of “why”. So here’s the run down...
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Band/Life (also, leadership essay 2010)
The strangest part of this year (besides the fact I’m turning 18) is that I’m saying good-bye to one particular thing. Something that I never even thought about life without. It’s that deeply entrenched in me. It’s made up so much of my life, the memories, the people, the events, the milestones… the changes. It’s defined most of my “free” time, and...
December 2010
11 posts
“Falling can be the best or the worst thing ever… it all depends on whether...”
3 tags
Warmth
Taking a break from letter writing, it’s harder than it looks and I’ve been neglecting writing about other things. So here you have it, one of those good old thoughtful posts again.
—-
There are two ways to stay warm. One, get it directly from a heat source or two, be insulated and therefore have less of your own heat be lost.
(This is all a metaphor.)
There are those in life...
Merry Christmas! (Dear Jonathan [Friesen])
So today was interesting. I totally got sidetracked by the least likely thing ever… closet cleaning. I have some interesting pictures to show for it. Later.
Anyways that’s my reason for doing this so late at night that it’s almost tomorrow and not doing two like I said I would. That said, I DID manage to get one letter written (:
...
Happy Christmas Eve!
Since I’ve been super busy… doing the things I should have done BEFORE tonight, I’m just going to do two super special Christmas Day letters tomorrow. And maybe I’ll actually get around to doing actual non-letter posts after all this :D
So for today, I’m reblogging some else’s interesting thoughts instead of mine. It’s an interesting way to look at...
Dear Joanna
My winter project. Write open letters.
Somebody I know in real life! Finally! Even you are now hundreds of miles away from me like all the others. D:
BUT THAT’S OKAY, BE HAPPY :D
Dear Axel
My winter project. Write open letters.
To an actual human being this time. Not quite so old a friend as some but still. There’s the letter as proof of importance. HI AXEL HI :D.
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Dear Neolodge
My winter project. Write open letters.
We’ll see how this goes.
2 tags
eh?
If you’re expecting my usual strange thoughts and stuff. DON’T READ THIS. Go do something else. Come back later.
See this post started out kind of normally, I was trying to keep away from bitterness and rationalizing things out, like I usually do… but somewhere around the middle I kind of started ranting, and I didn’t stop myself because that’s what making these...
3 tags
The innocence
This morning I rediscovered the existence of one of those childhood hiding places. You know, one of those places, the ones we knew in our minds were the safest if there were ever to be a zombie/raptor invasion.
It surprised me because in a way I had really forgotten about it. It’s not like I wouldn’t remember it was there if anybody had ever asked about it, but the idea of it being...
2 tags
Missing
Why do we miss times, and things, and people?
Is it because the present seems less bright than the past? Or it’s easier to dwell on past moments than to go out and create more moments?
It’s not like missing things helps bring them back, it’s really not useful at all, is it? I suppose it helps us keep our memories alive and present which is what life might just be all...
1 tag
Oh the strange things that come to me while...
Maybe my predilection for breaking away from the things and people that make me happy is exactly because I feel pain upon the separation. That way I know that whatever I have, whatever I break away from and avoid, matters to me and makes me happy; that way I know that whatever it is, it’s worth whatever time and energy I’ve spent on it.
It’s like… killing my happiness is...
November 2010
3 posts
3 tags
The moments.
You know THOSE, the ones that just happen and are perfect in every way, even their imperfections. The ones that stick around… even in their “nothing special-ness”. By their very nature they can’t be planned. Don’t try. It doesn’t work.
Today was my last NHS induction… while still at Connally (I guess I could pull a Jordan and play even while not a...
2 tags
It's amazing what other people can tell you about...
Every marching season teaches me many things - most importantly things about other people and about myself.
I never knew when I have my own bus seat I prefer sitting with my back against the side of the bus. Or that however I was sitting wasn’t standard. Or whatever, it just never jumped out to me, something I may never have consciously noticed if it wasn’t for Kimmy randomly pointing...
2 tags
I don't know how to write poetry
So I’m not going to. This is just one of many stream of consciousnesses that I scrawled on whatever paper was available for one reason or another while on some random bus ride (there were a lot of them) with much time to think. Recorded for posterity - meaning, future generations of myself. Don’t ask me what it means; in a decade, I may not remember. In a year, it might mean something...
October 2010
3 posts
1 tag
My dreams reveal my fears
So apparently, interpreting dreams is a recurring topic on here. Probably because they show me what my subconscious is thinking. Or at least, I use them as an excuse to do so. And it seems that the ones that tell me the most are the ones that play out a scene that I fear occurring (like being unable to get my schedule on the first day of school and wandering around lost, being unable to find...
1 tag
2 tags
I feel as if I should be fighting for something
I become “anti-social” when I start becoming comfortable (that analysis was already done here), that much I’ve been able to figure out, but beyond that I haven’t had much progress in trying to figure out WHY. Why I can’t let myself be somewhat normally content for long periods of time.
It seems as if I’m having a severe interpersonal and intrapersonal crisis...
September 2010
3 posts
2 tags
Do they slip away?
Today I sat down at the piano and started pulling out songs I hadn’t played for years. Not just any songs though, songs that at one point in time had been played often and known very well. And this was made clear: The things that you know SO WELL today, the here and now that you never consider, or believe, will ever be forgotten… all of these things, with time, actually do fade away.
...
2 tags
Relations
These past few days have been a week of revelations, all of them seemingly unrelated until I opened up this post and tried to figure out how to put things into words. Then they started to connect themselves and make some sort of sense. This is why I write these. :D
I’ll start with this: this week was an enlightening week for insight into my own people relations. It started that night when I...
Competence and Bitterness
There was a post here, half-written, about insecurity and bitterness. The post was unable to be completed. This post is here as a reminder. I think I’m going to go play a game or something now.
August 2010
9 posts
1 tag
Giorni Dispari
Some of you recognize the title of this post, most likely through some connection to me. To put it simply it’s a song. But to me it’s special, it’s different, it’s “my” song, one of the few things I’m possessive over.
There are some things I know about me and Giorni Dispari.
It’s a trademark of mine of sorts
I play it sparingly, yet everywhere. On...
1 tag
Interpreting Dreams 101
Last night was one of the oddest nights ever. Maybe this upcoming school/college stuff has me more worked up than I previously thought.
So I was dreaming. And then it suddenly turned into one of those scary, kinda nightmarish dreams, one that I hadn’t had in a really long time. What was my brain was trying to subconsciously tell me AGAIN? All my nightmarish dreams, I realized, involve on...
1 tag
The World is a Cookie
I’m not exactly sure where this came from, I was just sitting around doing nothing remotely profound when this started to form in my head and repeat itself over and over. It happens. I wonder what my brain’s subconsciously trying to say. And I’m curious as to how other people interpret my brain muttering, so tell me.
——-
Why do you listen to the words of the world?
...
1 tag
Alone
Sometimes I break apart from others and just drift off to the side, alone. Some of you may have noticed. It doesn’t exactly happen that OFTEN, but it happens enough times for it to be called a quirk and thus be subject to my scrutiny in order to find out WHY. I mean, it’s my own quirk, shouldn’t I definitely know why I do this?
Let’s see. It seems to usually happen in the...
Why age lends itself to less tolerance
Or something along those lines. This particular thought drifted across my mind at dinner today as my dad complained about my brother’s iPod touch.
As we age, we are always striving to make things “make sense”. We mull over situations, gather experiences and learn about our world - what makes everything tick. Children see in adults as people who understand things, adults see...