I used to ride the bus a lot, to football games, marching competitions, academic competitions, band trips… I never grew bored of them, how could I? It was an infinitely varying combination of four things: attempting to be productive, getting drawn into ridiculous conversations with the people around you, watching the around you blur, and sleeping, who could complain?
Most of these posts on here probably have roots in these bus rides, many of them first came to me while contemplating life, staring out the window, with inspirational music playing in the background in true movie-esque form. The rest of them were probably half-formed thoughts floating around in my head at the time that were able to grow and become full ideas after during a sessions of absolute peace.
I made the decision to go to Duke while on a bus. These bus rides were such an integral part of my lifestyle, it’s weird to realize that they haven’t been around for a while. They taught me how to think over things like I had all the time in the world, they gave me a chance to reevaluate my life regularly, they gave my mind permission to jump to and explore any random train of thought it could, because why not? They gave me long stretches of time to let loose emotions about whatever was plaguing my mind at the time and then, the most important part, the time to crawl my way back to the real, wonderful world and leave the bus with significantly lower cortisol levels.
I remember that one of the first times I traversed the C1’s route from East to West, I stared out the window and considered some blog-post worthy idea about the windows and everyday life, probably associated with the real world outside the bus through the windows and through a narrow opening in the window opening. And then I considered the fact that I was thinking these thoughts while on the bus at Duke and that this all occurred to me without me consciously trying to do so. Maybe I was on a C2.
Recently I’ve found myself missing a certain type of moment when I sit in peace and think, a moment that apparently is not a part of my life at Duke. I feel as if lately I’ve been subconsciously seeking a way to bring those moments back into my life. I mentally note spots on campus that have great contemplation potential and many thoughts of late have centered around trying to figure out this strange time optimization problem of life that seemingly uses all the time available no matter how much my workload varies.
Five months is the longest this thought-log has been without a post since its inception, it’s not that I lack the thoughts, the desire or even the time, (because… I really never had time for any of the previous posts either), it just hasn’t happened.
I want my peace back.